Lost
by collinfan
Summary: In a unknown and bustling city one feels lost. You feel lost when you can't find yourself among the crowds of people. Two men, an unexpected encounter, first love, and coming of age in a society where only one type of love seem right in peoples' eyes may help them find themselves and the answers they have been searching for.
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, after almost four years of being closed I am now back on again. It has been a rough four years for me. I was rapped and used by my "best guy friend" and he admitted to my parents he used me and my autism to his advantages. Yes, I have autisms I found out about a year or two ago after undergoing some test and DR visits. so, I have once again taking up writing. As you can see I have deleted a lot of my stuff from my earlier publishing days because not only do I want to start refresh but I have improved in my writing. so, if any of you that have read my stuff are still out there...this is for you.**

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><p>Ants were a busy insect. They stayed in a group and no matter which way one went there was always an ant going along the same way or across the same path. Ants lived in a loud and busy world. Every sound was an echo-long and loud. It was almost suffocating the way the sounds around the colony of ants built up when they all hustled and bustled back to their farm. They all tried to push in on one another, tripping, trotting over themselves as they tried to be the first one into the hole-the first one to reach the Queen. Once the ants did reach the inside it was as if the earth had released its breath and all the sound and activity slipped through that little bitty hole in the earth and exploded leaving the ants dazed and confused and the cycle starts all over again. This was how Merlin felt as he stood in the underground's Platform in London, England. He was waiting for his train so he could ride the route to school and he was beginning to feel very much like an ant as the crowds packed together and noises came and went.<p>

He mumbled a quick prayer to God as the train pulled up. Shouldering his bag up higher on his shoulder, he checked his watch, then with a nod to himself, stepped onto the train and took the first available seat. He sighed in relief at not having to be standing in the bustling crowd anymore. Stretching out his legs, he began to get comfortable hoping he could catch up on some sleep before school. He had just begun to close his eyes when the door the train opened with a whoosh and part of an argument made its way gracefully onto the train.

"I do not see why you couldn't buy that sweater."

Merlin cracked his eyes open to see young, maybe a year or two older then Merlin, so twenty one years old give or take a year, woman. She was blonde with brown highlights and a pale completion that went swimmingly with her petite figure. He features which would normally look pretty was now haggard by her downward brows and the scrawl on her lips.

"Welcome to the real world. Money can't be used every time you want a pretty sweater or some toy, Vivian, some people have to pay bills and survive."

Vivian huffed, "But we had enough to buy that sweater, Arthur."

The man named Arthur who appeared to be the same age as Vivian rolled his eyes and slumped against the seating pole. He drew a cigrate from his pocket and put the tip in his mouth and began to dig around for his lighter. Arthur was well built and had a nice frame. His hair was blonde; Merlin thought it looked like hay that he would see sometimes in the summer. He wondered if it felt soft or scratchy like hay.

His eyes were pulled away from Arthur when Vivian leered at him, ice in her voice and gaze. "You're smoking again? You can't buy me my sweater but you can buy your fags. I can't even stand the smell of them. Makes me sick!"

Arthur smirked and shook his head and reached for his lighter and lit the bud. His eyes locked with Merlin's own and Merlin slowly looked away. He was no brown nose. He heard Arthur's deep voice telling Vivian that they were going as they reached their stop. Merlin glanced up to see the doors close. He did not know why but he did not want that Arthur to think he had been spying on them, even though the whole train probably heard the little tiff. Merlin shook his head as the overhead lights flashed and his stop was coming up. He stood up and heard a grating sound underneath his foot. He looked down to see it was coin. He flipped it over then flipped it again trying to find some clue as to what it was. It was then he remembered something had fallen out of Arthur's pocket- this must have been it.

"Last call for 2134 S. Street."

Merlin shoved the coin into his bag and got off the train. Not even giving the coin or Arthur any other thought as he went to school.

**so, this is the first chapter of Lost. I plan on updating every Thursday night. Depending on the popularity of Lost and how many reviews and alerts I receive I may post two chapters a week. **

**I want your feedback if I have improved as a writer or anything else you may want to comment on.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

Merlin had not given any thoughts to Arthur, the coin, or the day on the train. It had been weeks before anyway and it was now his Christmas break at his university. He had gotten good grades on his exams and had studied hard. He was finally ready to leave the UNI. and have a much needed break, but like all the others he would be spending this one alone. It wasn't that Merlin didn't have any friends- he tried to make them but they always lost interest, something made them lose connection, or they turned out to be backstabbers.

On this night he had left his house, scarf on, coat on, earbuds in and blasting Two Steps from Hell's new album in his ears, and set down the streets to look at the lights. He always enjoyed the lights at charismas the way they glowed and sparkled. It reminded him of a happier time. He stopped at the intersection in the town and glanced over to the café across the street. His stomach grumbled and he, counting his cash, decided to indulge him in hot coco. Picking his way across the road, he had just reached the door, the smells luring him in when something made him turn around and look across the street. He saw three young men, buff, dirty men crowded around one slim blonde hair man who leaned against the wall with a smoke. Something seemed familiar to Merlin about this man but he could not place how or why or where he had met him before. But it looked like he was in trouble.

"I should just leave and go. It's none of my business. Just leave and go," Merlin chanted to himself. But something, impulse, too much energy from his exams, something unnatural began to make Merlin's legs move on their own and by the time he knew it he was between the Blonde and the pack of mutts.

"Who the hell is this?"

This was said by the middle one with the yellow cap on his head and whose nose looked like it had been broken ten times over what should be possible.

"…I'm his friend." Merlin said and tried to keep his legs from buckling underneath him. _Stupid, stupid Merlin! Now I'm going to get my ass beat by these blokes and for what reason other than I had to play hero!_

One of the others snorted and one whispered Queers behind a fake cough. Merlin's palms were starting to sweat and he felt a flame burning deep within at that word. A word he had heard too many times to count. He stepped forward but the guy who he was "friends" with held onto him by the wrist. Merlin looked over his shoulder and he felt a shock shake his foundation. He was looking at Arthur: The guy from the Train. Arthur in turned just raised an eyebrow and Merlin closed his mouth and looked away. He felt a blush forming on his cheeks. Though, he had other things to worry about other than Arthur as the three men were advancing on them.

Merlin wasn't one for fighting, and while he had no doubt Arthur could hold his own, he didn't want to chance it. He did the only thing he could think of. He found Arthur's hand and wrapped his own within it and, shouldering the oncoming guy in the blue windbreaker, broke away. He ran down the street and Arthur followed. He went left then right and heard their pursers after them.

"Umm…you don't have any clue what your doing do you?" Arthur called behind him as Merlin made a quick left into an ally way.

"All I know is I want to get as far away from those whack jobs as possible." Merlin came to a quick stop and looked up. He turned to Arthur who was breathing heavily. His blue eyes seemed to sparkle with hidden mirth and a splash of fear. Merlin swallowed and made his hands into a step, "I need you to climb up and unlatched that latter."

Arthur nodded. Bracing himself against Merlin he managed to wiggle under the grate and onto the platform. He quickly undid the latter and it went down with a loud bang. Both men winced and Merlin looked back down the alley. The town lights casted a dimly hazily glow far away the building blocking off any light. He held his breath then heard a sound: Footsteps.

"Come on!" Called Arthur and he reached a hand down and helped Merlin up the fire escape. They quickly pulled the latter back into place. Arthur grabbed Merlin's hand and they escaped through a window into an abandon building. They through themselves against the wall and caught their breath. Merlin looked over and watched Arthur's chest rise and fall and spotted smooth white skin underneath his shirt. He followed it up and noticed Arthur looking at him. He looked away and stood up and looked out the window. The night was quite.

"I think they're gone."

Merlin shook his head and replayed back the whole thing and it was now that the terror and the overall sense of dread that made him realize what he did and what could have happened. He looked down at his hands which were still warm despite the frigid air. It was then he realized Arthur could have let go at any time but he had held Merlin's hand the whole way...

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><p><strong>please review <strong>


	3. Chapter 3

They leaned against a post in the middle of the room. They had been sitting there for a while in silence. Neither leaving nor making a move to leave: Merlin because he wanted to make sure the coast was clear but he was unsure of Arthur's waiting around.

"Why did you save me?" Arthur spoke finally. His voice was soft and light almost like music.

Merlin looked over at him and shrugged and said the first thing that came to mind, "I don't know."

Arthur's brows drew together and his tone became hard, "It was none of your corn concern. You should have left it alone. You could have been hurt or worse."

"You look like you could have used some help, Arthur."

"I would have been just fine. I don't need a skinny nerd like you helping me."

Merlin held his tongue and looked away. _He may look good but he's a prat .I should have left him to the dogs. _

"How do you know my name anyway?" Arthur asked Merlin as he picked up some rubble and skipped it across the floor.

Merlin looked around the room. It had once been a loft but had been evicted years ago for some reason or another just like all the others in the past years. He remembered this had once been one of the riches flats in town. He had always wanted to move in here. To be close to the city, to feel the sky so close to you and the people felt far away. Now, there was no chance in having that dream.

"Are you going to answer or just stare in space all night long?"

Merlin moved off the pole and rested back on his hands and stretched. "I saw you on the train and couple weeks back. You and your girlfriend were arguing or something. Oh, and I think this belongs to you."

Merlin fished into his pocket and pulled out his wallet and bought out a flat and silver coin. He flipped it to Arthur who looked up at him with something in his eyes that Merlin could not tell what it was. "Thanks…I need the money."

Merlin nodded and watched Arthur put it away. The blonde man looked back at him and ran his hand through his hair, "So you know my name what's yours?"

"Merlin."

Arthur nodded and moved his leg up so he could rest his chin on it. He cleared his throat, "Well, thank you Merlin, for being a clot pole and rescuing me and all that."

Merlin bit back a laugh at how Arthur has said it and wondered if the man did not give praise much. He moved his hair out of his eyes and shuddered against the cold. He felt Arthur's eyes on him.

"So, won't your girlfriend be worried? You know since it's late, almost midnight in fact." The fact that it was almost midnight made Merlin feel sleepy and he held back a sigh. He had planned on reading his book until midnight then falling asleep but those plans had gone out the window now. Now he had a long trip back to his dorm. It occurred to Merlin either one could have left by now it was safe to go down but neither had moved.

Arthur shook his head and said indifferently, "We broke up."

Merlin did not know if he should feel happy or sad for the man. If it was him he would have been over the moon at having finally been free of a girl like Vivian, but then again he didn't know the whole story. So, to be safe he said with a nod, "Well, I wish luck to you."

Arthur snorted and Merlin wondered when he had moved because they were now touching shoulder to shoulder. He had to push away the feeling of wanting to get closer to Arthur and feel his warmth. He swallowed. He didn't even know this Arthur; he shouldn't be feeling that for the man. Besides, high chance he was what Merlin was…and even if he was Merlin wasn't sure if he was even ready to be with…a guy yet.

"What about you?" Arthur whispered.

"Me? Oh… no I'm not involved with anyone."

There was a few seconds of quite then unbidden Merlin whispered, "Because I like boys."

He didn't look at Arthur's face. He was waiting for words to spill fourth or even a punch to the gut or something.

"It's the twenty first century." Was all Arthur had to say on the manner.

Merlin gave a shaky nod. After a few more moments of quite Arthur stated it was safe enough for them to leave. So the climbed back to the lower streets and Arthur walked down the road without even saying goodbye. Merlin watched him go and felt sadden. He sighed and begun his long walk home and knew he would never see Arthur again.


	4. Chapter 4

Two months later Merlin had nearly forgotten all about the incident involving Arthur. He had found a new job at a club bar and worked every evening until early morning. The hours were crap, it was hard on his schooling but the upside was he was making money. He parked his car in his space and headed into work. Leon, the owner, gave Merlin his schedule at the door and told him he was on floor duty. Floor duty was the worst job in the whole club and usually only given to the newbies. Merlin cursed under his breath and grabbed a dust broom from the closet and began to make his rounds.

"Hey, Merlin!" one of the girls from the bar yelled over to him.

Merlin emptied his trash into the bin and made his way through the mass of people to the bar. He looked up to Morgana who was a head taller than him. "What's up?"

"You see that man over there?" Morgana said pointing to the ball stools lining the left side of the bar. Merlin looked and could see the faint outline of a man against the clubs blazing tech lights. He could make out yellow blonde hair and pale skin. He watched the man pick up and drink with a shaky hand and spied a ring with a dragon burned into it. He felt a hitch of breath. It couldn't be...

"Could you call a taxi or something to take the man home? I would do it but boss wants me in his office."

Merlin shook his head and without waiting made his way over the bar. He slowly made his way up the man and looked at him from all angles. He was tallish, well built, rough looking, and had yellow hair. Merlin reached out gently to shake the man who had his head down in his arms. "Excuses me.."

The man looked up, "what yooou wantz?"

Merlin could not believe his luck, good or bad he didn't know, but here in front of him was Arthur. An Arthur who was drunk off his arse it seemed.

"Arthur…do you know who I am?" Merlin said. He held his breath but any hope went downward when Arthur's head dropped and he gave a drunken grumble and unclear mumbles.

"Let's get you home." He shook his head at the whole situation as he flung Arthur's arm over her shoulders. He almost gagged as Arthur's breath hit his face. He turned his head to avoid the drunken fumes. He made his way to the exit and sat Arthur gently down on the floor. He knocked on Leon's office door and stuck his head in. Leon and Morgana looked up.

"I am going to take the guy home Morgana, I know him and he's too drunk and out of it to take a taxi. You can deduct may pay Leon if you have to."

Leon shook his head and told him it was fine, that he was closing early anyhow. Morgana gave him a funny look as he blushed under the dazzling knowing eyes. He shut the door and looked back to Arthur who was still slumped on the floor. Merlin, taking of his coat, slung it around Arthur. He then began to check his pockets for his wallet. Arthur made some crude drunken comments and tried to bat Merlin's hands away.

"Please Arthur I'm trying to help you here…like I always end up doing it seems," the last said more to himself. He finally found the wallet the looked the Arthur's ID before placing it in his own pockets. He lifted Arthur up once more and walked out to the lot.

It wasn't difficult getting Arthur into the SUV or getting the belt onto him. He checked on Arthur once he had getting his own belt on and the car started. He cranked up the heat a little and put his hand to Arthur's forehead. He knew that bar policy didn't allow anyone in the bar to get too drunk sending them home before poisoning happened or worse. So Merlin knew that Arthur was just in a sleep and not passed out and even though his skin was clammy he had nothing to worry over. So, with one last mental check of Arthur's address Merlin began his drive.

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	5. Chapter 5

Merlin didn't know how long he stayed watching over Arthur. He could hardly recall pulling into the driveway of the quaint white house, locking picking the door as he could not find Arthur's keys, getting them both inside, up to what Merlin hopped was Arthur's room, taking Arthur's shoes off and covering him up and placing a wet cloth over his head. Seeing Arthur's breathing wasn't as labored now as it was he finally stood up and allowed himself a stretch. He started to explore the room. It was modest room which wasn't something he expected seeing how Arthur had this posh "I'm better than anyone" kind of style. Besides a desk there was a bookcase with books back shelf to shelf. Merlin was surprised to see all his favorite authors in there, he also had some harry potter and posters of fantasy themed drawing on his wall, a cabinet which Merlin summarized to be his wardrobe, his bed which Arthur was laying in along the left wall, a chair which Merlin had pulled over the bed. He returned to the chair now and sat down.

He couldn't describe what he was feeling only that when he noticed it had been Arthur at the bar his heart and made a lurch all the way down to his stomach. It was true; he had not stopped thinking of Arthur after their second encounter. He just wished they didn't always meet with Merlin saving Arthur's life. He wondered how the blonde man would react to awake and see merlin. Merlin was afraid to think of it. Would he throw Merlin out and act cold and disgusted since he knew Merlin liked…well men or would he thank Merlin and things would be ok? Merlin dare not dream of his other whish.

He didn't even know this Arthur but he felt connected to him. It was as if he knew him forever. He knew this was crazy though. Arthur didn't even see his type…well kind of. Merlin shook his head. He gazed at Arthur feet which poked out of the covers and smiled as he saw them wiggle, and then up to his tummy which was exposed as his arm had lifted his shirt up. Merlin counted the little hairs around the man's navel. His eyes went upwards to his blonde hair and he resisted the urge to run his finger through it, then he looked down at his lips which were pink and soft. Merlin shook himself and looked away. He breathed deep. Latter he would say it was like a force grabbed hold of him or something along those lines to give reason to what he did, but he knew there was no explanation other then he wanted to.

He leaned over and kissed Arthur on the lips, softly and quickly. He pulled away as Arthur mumbled something. Merlin moved away and sat on the couch at the other end of the room. He pulled a blanket onto him. He stared. He ran his hands over his lips and gave a small smile. His eyes dropped and he was pulled into sleep.

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	6. Chapter 6

"You woke up?" Was the first thing out of Merlin's mouth as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. His body felt rejuvenated and his brain felt like it could think again. Arthur was in front of him, sitting on the chair Merlin had occupied most of the night, with a blanket wrapped around him.

"Yhea," he said looking down at the floor. His voice was soft and gentle.

Merlin's lips went up just a little as he looked at Arthur. The blonde looked to big in the oversized blanket. It was a funny sight and Merlin laughed. Arthur blinked and looked at Merlin as if he was off his rocker. "What may I ask is so funny?"

Merlin shook his head to overcome with laughter to even complete a sentence. His hands made nonverbal movements and Arthur began to grow weary wondering if perhaps Merlin was the one that had been intoxicated and not the other way around. Arthur blushed at that thought. Here, once again, this lanky man had saved him yet again from his own misfortunes. Arthur could not tell if he was embarrassed because he was saved or because this cute young man, merlin, had seen him at his worse. He shook his head, since when did he start thinking of Merlin cute?

Rising off the chair, Arthur went over to his desk and looked at the phone. No messages, it figured. He did have a voice mail though from his bank. He huffed and decided to listen to it latter. He heard movement off to his left and merlin and gotten off the couch and was standing behind him.

"I was laughing because you looked like an over grown bunny wrapped up in that white blanket," Merlin smiled and titled his head, "it was cute."

Arthur opened his mouth, "Thanks, not so bad yourself."

Merlin's eyes went wide before he looked down and scuffed his shoes on the floor. "So, you live here alone?"

Arthur nodded and leaned back against the desk, "Yhea."

Merlin could relate. He had lived with his mom up until last year when he finally got to his last year of UNI and had a well-paying job. He hated burdening his mom so much and being a hassle forcing her to work two part time jobs along with a full job so they could live in a two room house and have enough food to eat. So now, like Arthur, he lived alone. He explained as much to Arthur, though he was amazed he did so as he never told anyone about his life or something so personal. He didn't even know Arthur. So what had compelled him?

"So what do you do?" Merlin asked staring the conversation away from his life before he had stumbled upon meting Arthur.

Arthur allowed the topic to shift back and answered, "Don't really have one. I do odd jobs here and there. I didn't finish collage. And you?"

Merlin shrugged, "Computer technician. What about your family?"

A sad look over came Arthur and he said, "My mother died when I was young so I didn't know her. My father…I wish it was him I didn't know. He was never home. It was my uncle who raised me, but he died a year ago. You are the perfect example of freedom Merlin."

Merlin gave a little laugh, "Why is that? I'd rather go home instead of living in little apartment I have now!"

Arthur shrugged.

Merlin said softly, "Though I like it here because I don't worry about what people you know think. The thing is we aren't you know different and we aren't untouchable. Gay love is still love. Even if it's both the same sex…it's still love. I was scared when I discovered I was. Then I got used to it and accepted it as who I am."

Arthur looked at him long and hard, then, getting up and grabbing Merlin's jacket said, "Its late you better get home before the busses stop running. Thanks by the way for…this."

Merlin took the coat and looked at Arthur and whispered as he felt his eyes glisten up, "I was just trying to explain...i guess I was wrong. I am sorry. Goodbye Arthur."

Arthur stopped Merlin at the door, "Thanks, for being a good friend, Merlin. If you ever need something…you can stop by."

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	7. Chapter 7

Arthur thought to himself as he walked down the streets the next afternoon. He had an eye doctor meeting earlier that day and had almost been late to it because he had slept in late. The reason he slept in late was because his mind was plagued with endless questions and concerns. After Merlin had left the night before, Arthur had drunk strong coffee, taken pain pills which he washed down with more coffee, then took a shower-all the while thinking of Merlin. He just could not get the lanky, raven haired, blue eyed, gentle man out of his head. Today was just the same.

Throwing his the used bud of his fag away he made the last cross walk to the bus stop and leaned against the post and waited. He ran a hand over his face and looked up at the sky. He watched the clouds form and take on shapes of the imagination. He smiled, wishing his life could be simple as a cloud.

His thoughts turned back the question and he felt his gut clench. It wasn't the first time he had wondered. The first time he had wondered was back in high school. He had tried to get close to this one boy only to be stabbed in the back and a full scandal braking out. His father found out and Arthur never dared to think down that road again. Now he was thinking on that forbidden road all thinks to Merlin. He thought of himself with merlin and it warmed his insides and made a smile creep onto his face. He shook his head, he could not have such thoughts of cuddling with Merlin on his bed or holding the other man's hands. Even though it was the twenty-first century it just wouldn't ride with his father or his life right now.

Arthur heard the loud screech of the bus breaks as it pulled into the stop. He climbed up into the carriage and paid the fee before making his way to the top floor of the double decker. He froze as he reached the top step. Merlin was sitting in the front seat with an empty seat beside him. Arthur crosses over and sat next to him. He didn't know if this was an answer to his problems or a curse.

"Small world huh?" Merlin said greeting the other.

"yhea.." Arthur whispered looking Merlin in the eye.

Arthur lost himself in Merlin as they talked and talked. It was only when he moved his hand did he realize it was wrapped around Merlin's hand the other's man head was rested on his shoulder. Arthur looked down at Merlin and met his eyes.

"Hi.."

Merlin blinked and blushed, "Do you want me to move.."

It was then Arthur deiced that this wasn't a curse but a sign, "No..no please don't."

There was a heartbeat of silence and Merlin squeezed his hand. "Want to come back to my place?"

"yhea, I do."

Arthur smiled, "ok."

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	8. Chapter 8

The next two months was a steady relationship for Arthur and Merlin. They had become a couple. Like all mornings when one of them slept over it was the best in both the men's life. They were wrapped in each other's arms in Arthur's bed. Merlin snuggled his head into Arthur's chest and sighed happily. Arthur ran his hand through Merlin's hair and pulled him closer and breathed him in. Merlin giggled at this and peeked up at him, "Good morning, Silly!"

"Morning, Merlin. Sleep well?"

Merlin yawned and stretched laying his body over Arthur's, "Yhea the part when I was sleeping and you know not being kept awake-"

He was cut off by Arthur throwing a pillow at him, "I slept well too. The best in a long time actually.

Merlin smiled, "Me too."

"mmm I don't want to get outta bed Arthur!" Merlin whined

"As much as I wish we could stay in bed we can't. You have work, Merlin."

The man in answered huffed and climbed out of bed and began to throw his clothes on. Arthur watched bemused and laughed when Merlin squeaked when he realized Arthur was watching and blushed trying to hide himself. Arthur rolled his eyes and climbed out of bed and hugged Merlin from behind. He laughed hard when Merlin let out a half squeak and moan ad they touched. Arthur kissed Merlin's neck and tisked, "I do not understand why you must be so shy around me when you're naked. It's been two months know and I keep telling you you're beautiful."

Merlin shrugged and pulled his sweater over his head, "because I'm difficult that why and you love it."

Arthur snorted and got dressed himself and they both made their way into the kitchen. Making a quick egg for the both of them and coffee for Merlin, they both sat down at the table and begun to dig into their breakfast. They ate in compatible silence taking in the view from Arthur's over bay window. Merlin loved the way the snow fell onto the trees at winter time and how the river looked almost surreal. It was like out of a famous painting.

"You coming to my place for dinner tonight or your place, Merlin?" Arthur asked Merlin making the other turn away from the window.

Merlin wiped his mouth and thought before replying, "Mine. I can make so pasta for us and we can watch a movie a bought."

Arthur nodded when he heard his phone ring. Merlin also got up and kissed Arthur on the cheek. "You go get that and I will see you after work. Have a nice day, ok?"

Waving Merlin goodbye, Arthur answered his phone. It was then his whole world shattered.

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	9. Chapter 9

_Arthur walked into the private hospital room. The smell-intoxicating almost-made him want to gag. He hated hospitals. He had spent enough time in them when his mother lay dying, though he was too young to remember much but the smells and sounds still haunted him. He had also revisited the same smells and sights when his uncle had took his last breath on a short, creaky, old stretcher. Now, here he was for death again, only this time he came not out of love but mere curiosity. His father lay dying. To say he recalled everything that went on that visit would be a bold face lie. It was all like a glass mosaic- swirling together and fragmented until only spots showed a clear picture then blended in hazily with the rest. His father had told him how he had looked down upon his son- not just because he had been a drop out and soft hearted and not wanting to run the family business, but also for the fact he was gay. His father, the once proud and strong man Uther was, was now laying dying in his own filth and bodily fluids. He was in condition to judge but he was judging like always. He made Arthur a deal: If Arthur could stop being gay and marry and settle down with a women and try his hand in the family business of being a big time lawyer, then Uther would give him his rightful Heir dues and forgive him for all the other things. He would have a clean slate in his father's eyes and beloved by Uther for the first time. If he couldn't then nothing would be owed to Arthur and Uther would disown him. _

Arthur had then walked home in a numb state and collapsed right in the entry way door and had not moved from that spot. His cell rang and rang each time the caller ID showing Merlin. He ignored them and instead took to bottles of nice beer and wine coolers. He didn't know how long he sat there mulling over everything until the bright sun peeked up from behind the curtains and shone in his eyes waking him. He didn't even realize he fell asleep. Straightening up, he pushed the ten or so bottles of last night aside and sagged against the wall. He held his head in his hands and moaned. He heard something scrape the floor underneath him and he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a coin.

It was the coin Merlin had returned to him. Unbidden tears sprang to Arthur's eyes. What was he going to do? He didn't know. Did he love Merlin even though he had only been with him for really only two months? Or was it just a fool's feeling. He knew he needed the money, but was it worth it in the end to accept it from a father who never cared?

He knew he would be lost if he accepted his father's offer because he would lose Merlin.

He knew he would be lost also if he chose Merlin because then he would have nothing to his name.

He would be lost either way…it was then he decided that being in love was the very definition of lost.

_**So, should I stop there and end it like this or make one more chapter deciding Arthur's fate…**_

_**And I want you to decide, if you want me to continue, what he should pick…**_

_**I will tally the reviews next Thursday and will write or not write from there..**_


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